The feeling of losing by a whisker.

Civil services prelims 2016 results are out and all happiness of a score of 112-115 from all available keys is lost. Never before has cut off been more than 107-108. But this time it seems fairly high at 113-114. The roll no is not in the pass list, but friends with a similar score are in. And a closer analysis yields that not more than one question right could have made all the difference.

Every question is as important as the paper in its entirety.HOW TRUE. The importance of a single question is very big, in terms of the opportunity cost of every year lost. Also no matter how strong you try to stay, deep down there’s a part that needs repairs and that too a quick fix, because no time lost in sorrow yields any result anyway.

I have always read about rising after falling, the importance of failing in life, the amazingly inspiring stories of people who managed all their failures and rose to greater heights in life, esp.the “American President Abraham Lincoln and his rising like a phoenix from the ashes” type stories.

But for me this is the first big academic setback. Having cleared CA without any setbacks made me a little complacent maybe. Although i knew this exam is like no other that i have appeared before, but passing percentages in CA also hover around less than 5-7% at each of the three levels.

A couple of anecdotes are enough to explain the uniqueness of this exam. 2015 TOPPER is an extremely brilliant girl who had just topped one the most prestigious colleges of India- Lady Shri Ram before appearing for civil services in 2015. She in her first attempt topped the exam, but the anomaly is that she would’nt QUALIFY for main exam had it not been her quota and she missed the general category cut off by a hefty 11 marks. Another important point to note is that both the exams have mostly the same portion but differ only in type of paper pattern.

For 2014 topper it was her 5th attempt but when you hear her speak she is a gem.I have no one to blame for my result but myself. But for the people outside civil services might not know the nitty-gritty of the exam so it might present you the odd nature of the exam.

What i am feeling now is no short of a disaster but having come so close in an exam where around 11lakh apply and all of them are graduates, and among them so many are IITians IIMs CAs doctors Phd.s and what not, is no less a performance. Also more than half of the students who made it in final list last year would appear again.

All of it might seem like finding excuses for the result but i try to do it deliberately, maybe it will help me recover fast and make me realize that i need to go harder and stronger ahead.

My initial scores in the mains test series of the vision ias (most sought after test series of all) are fairly decent and several good remarks in each paper give me confidence for working harder. I restart my journey after a short break with no remorse for the results, because i have faith in myself and the law of nature that no dedicated work will go unrewarded in the long term. All that has happened, did happen for the good. (my father came to meet me the same day in the morning with no news anywhere of the expected results, and the results came unannounced in the evening just before two hour that he was supposed to leave, i don’t see such things as coincidences, i feel these are god’s own way of remaining anonymous and still doing his job perfectly).

Ending the already long post i would say to myself:

If they bury us deep, let us be the “seed”, lets rise all over again, but this time with stronger roots.